I am struck
By this eerie silence
As I find the eyes of the storm
+Repeat+This poem is drunk-
On the bottom of a bottle-
Of 5 o’clock somewhere
Singing in the rain-
To the dissonant tune-
Of ocean waves-
See you tomorrow-
Is another day-
+Storms 2+Square your shoulders
And set your gaze to the far off distance
Because that’s where you need to set your sights
Far beyond this nightmarish dilemma
Of whether or not loving you liking you a lot, is right
I have a pride you’re not witness to
That allows me to turn my back on the best things in my life
Face the opposite direction and pretend—
That you never hijacked this train
And never held the conductor at wistful gunpoint
It leaves me writing at 5a.m.
Wringing my hands like laundry for the line
And licking my lips just for a taste
Of your latest cigarette smoke
While my version of a relationship swirls down the drain
Keep your commitment, and your confusion too
Remember me by the scars on your shoulders
Because I’m a garish reality
And I’ve been fixing this game all along
Luck was never on my side
+Storms+These russet eyes of a war torn vixen
Are crying out in silent strife
Spilling more secrets than a tied tongue ever could—
It’s a shame you can’t make out their tune
Because I’ve got open arms and an open rib cage
Broken hopes you’re so talented at mending
Stitching me back together with wisps of chemicals—
Tendrils from your soul and the last cigarette of the night
I stood knee deep in the rain
Turning it brackish with taciturn tears
Frozen on my cheeks like the Christmas lights
That shone through the blizzard of the fade to white
All it took was a touch
And those hazel eyes entombed me
Trapped me in this incessant winter called my heart
Which still beats with the scars of failed hopes
You built these walls around me and let me call you home
Protection from the winds warring outside
Hold me close and let me stay here—
Where I can see the stars again
Where I tread in the eye of the storm
A dance turned deadly game
But keep me in her blinds spot
+Untitled+I find it ironic
That you gave me a white hare
Because I never
Feel like I have enough time (with you)
+There's Something About the Rain+There's something sensual about the rain
The way it feels like a touch from a few hundred miles away
Sent on the wings of something a bit more sinister
Coloring the sky with charcoal smears
As my hearts learns to start letting you go
Faint whispers of sweet nothings
Coalescing into recollections of relationships passed
Deep enough to get your feet wet
But too shallow to drown your wasted days
At the bottom of the next bottle
Could you see me watching from the thunderheads
As you ducked under the ring of an eclipse?
A darkened view of a lost world
With dreams that once were, sloughing from the edges
Eyes closed to the sins you've committed
I wished you were here
As I sat with my feet in the rain-washed gutter
Watching the dissolved remnants of today's news
Drift over my toes, washing me clean of the condemning thoughts
That might keep me up at night
Taking the nervous tension from my veins
That would otherwise have me clawing at my neck
And sending it off to another rainy city
+I Didn't Fall Asleep in the Arms of Another+Sometimes I wish I were Annabel Lee
Because then at least I'd have a reason to wait up at night
In our pretend kingdom with a false sea
Where tears have coalesced into something bigger than any of us
But too small to hold on to
As it runs through the cracks in our fingers
Like the cracks in the sidewalk
Yawning gap-toothed grins of metropolitan proportions
Gateways to throats like deserts
Missing voices cracked under the strain
And lack of rain
But no shortage of year old pain medications
And pearly white tally marks
That tell me how long I've been a prisoner here
I was once trapped behind my eyelids
But there was no lack of blood red light
As looked at myself from the outside in
I realized what an ugly thing I had become
And the false sea rose to high-tide
I fell into the arms of Mariana
Silky tendrils embracing this mistake
Like you had forgotten you could
And as the shafts of light turned my chocolate eyes, death-blue
I remembered that you would regret
What you thought I had forgott
I can hear the shivers rattling up your spine
Reverberating in mahogany eyes
Until they shake your tears lose
And return them to Mariana
Your bones are too loud
The birds inside are screaming
The words inside are dreaming
Your joints are clattering like silverware on porcelain
The world is driving me deaf
The thoughts of a trillion hearts
Are stuck on death
Because it's the only promise ever kept
The sound of your eyes
Watching the back of your skull
Is like the frost under your fingernails
Scratched from a bus window
The crickets in the field
Aren't really singing
They're catching up on the mourning
While the night runs away
+I Swear I Can+My eyelids are heavy, maybe I'm just tired, or maybe my body is telling me to go back to sleep.
Only in my dreams are you close enough to touch. But with each arm thrust into icy water, I realize your reality is rippling. I realize you're just a reflection with no origin.
You're so very far away tonight, and you couldn't possibly be here in my ice water arms.
The reality is.
You're too far away to touch, but I can feel you.
+I Didn't Need to Know+I never knew
Butterflies could feel like flacons
I can feel their 3ft wingspans
Pressing against my ribs
In a desperate bid
Leaving plumes in the spaces
Between my vertebrae,
And the gaps in my pulse
When my heart holds its breath
And you hold my heart
And we hold each other
Because the world is too damn cold
I never knew
Calling at taxi at 3a.m.
And telling it to drive south
Until the fields became never-ending
And the horizon became convex
Would be in my repertoire
Of vanishing acts
That my knuckles would ache
From the constant need
To assure you hadn't vanished
Into the smoke of a cigarette
Carried away from here
Like so many past ghosts
I never knew
Pain could be so fleeting
An apology so sweet
A comfort so complete
In the end I'm left
Interrogating my magic 8 ball
Demanding to be told
Where you hide the patience
To watch all the angels fall from the sky
With your coffee stain eyes,
With careful indifference
With arms wide open
You caught every piece of me
You Deserve to SmileDo what you have to do to be happy.
Eat an entire chocolate cake,
Swallow all the pills you need to take -
'Medication' isn't a dirty word.
Wear a princess dress
Or a band t-shirt with
Jeans in distress -
Boy or girl or anything in between,
Stand before that mirror
Take a twirl
And see how beautiful you are.
Go for a run,
Have some fun,
Watch Netflix until your eyes burn,
Curl up in bed -
Take a vacation from your head.
Phone a friend
And talk for hours,
Or stay in your room
And wait for the darkness
To end -
No need to pretend,
Just do what you need.
Paint a picture
Or write a sonnet,
Or just sit still
And breathe -
Pick some flowers,
Just for yourself -
You are just as special
As anyone else.
Can You Hold on One More Day?I read a poem about a boy.
Who had lost all of his pride and joy.
He wore his heart on his sleeves.
Which were stained red,
From all of the blood that he bled.
The boy died...
By the blade of a knife.
That he ran up and down his wrists.
And I couldn't help but cry.
That poem was fake.
There wasn't such a boy.
It wasn't a true story.
But... Then I began to realize.
That just because it wasn't that specific boy.
There are others just like him.
Begging for death.
Slitting their wrists,
And hoping to die.
Because so many times,
And so many times,
But nothing gets better!
I just wanted to say,
I've been that boy.
At some point.
I felt that way.
And I just wanted to say,
I am so sorry.
I know it hurts but hang on another day.
Please, stay with me dear.
Don't join that boy,
No, not tonight.
Stay with me,
Suckerpunch SweetheartRed lipstick war paint
I am a soldier in my own war;
A force split in two sides.
I am a force of nature
Bring about my own rapture
And I’ll bring you to your knees.
Little girl lost.
Cut off my hair
Cut into my skin
Pretty princess girl
Let me in
Let me in.
Sugar in my veins
And poison in my heart;
I can turn blood
Into a work of art.
I won’t go there again
Won’t do it
A sea of hands
In my head.
A universe inside.
Just what's inside.
quirks.when i was a child:
i loved to steal.
i would go around my neighborhood
and steal lawn ornaments.
at daycare, i would steal money
once, i stole my next door neighbor’s
when my parents confronted me,
the lie was smooth and solid:
i saw so-and-so take it.
when i was a child:
i loved to lie.
i would make up stories
to get reactions out of people.
to see if they’d believe me.
once, i convinced my friend charlotte
that i had twenty-four hours to live.
when she burst into tears,
i had to bite my tongue
to keep from laughing.
when i was a child:
i loved animals.
i would lock my dog in the closet
and in the bathroom.
a lot of my neighbors left birdcages out
during the day
so i set all of the birds free.
once, i imagined what it would be like
to kill an animal.
then, i imagined what it would be like
to run over it repeatedly
with a car
so i did it with my scooter
to a rose i found
because it was red
when i was a
Eternity Comes Only Once
...In a dream of eternal youth
with beautiful eyes and unspoken truths,
dancing on a thin thread drawn by Selena
in a blue night when all four winds talking about peace;
...In that unique poem when love
shines more than the Sun God on your ring finger,
weaving lasting hopes on a delicate cobweb
in a white day of the beginning of all beginnings;
...In a cold afternoon of December
with memories which surrounds the Arctic Circle,
melting everlasting snows that floods the time,
paradoxically, leaving behind them the fire which burns your heart;
....In the black hole of a single moment,
with pain, with answers, with courage, maybe with joy, or Not,
Waltz with the time between seconds,
Eternity comes only once...
i cradle my hope
with both hands,
as if holding it close
will give it the warmth
to stay alive.
when you come near
it flares and rustles,
begging to take flight;
yet i am both caress
we have confused our signals,
mixed our drinks and
closure looms ominous
but i would rather forget
than be caught in this
luminous void of
i am weak
you are blind,
perhaps we could be
if only we spoke.
you have unknowingly
in helical fundamentals
about my identity,
shaped me in
the embers of
i wish i knew
when to release
this frail hope.
we're both drunk
and you're shaking,
caught in a moment
neither here nor now.
bring you back to
the present, and i linger
but you are eager to eclipse
so you run.
i'm too afraid to ask,
but at least the question's
we're both cowards.
Demons Can Feel TooI'll admit that I'm a demon.
I'm cold and cruel,
Hateful and quick to anger.
I prefer darkness over light.
But demons can have feelings too.
I can be hurt, offended.
I can be sympathetic.
I can care for other people
And I can love.
I may be a cruel being.
Excessively so at times.
But that doesn't make me heartless.
Though I may seem so,
I do have a heart.
And I do use it.
Just not often.
Because the problem with having a heart
Is it can be broken.
And I don't want a broken heart.
I think maybe that's why demons seem so cruel and hateful.
They're just afraid of getting hurt.
Malalai heard a child scream once,
and it was the sound of Algebra,
the Cold War,
but also a mango seed
scraping wood to etch grammar rules.
my privilege mirrors bomb threats.
i have three dream catchers in my room,
all of which were created by foreign hands.
my hands tell a well-kept secret,
notebook paper and straight-edged rulers,
pencils with erasers attached.
the mango falls from the tree and the tree
understands its nakedness.
the student drops out of school and the school
understands its cut budget.
Malala nearly died for her right to literacy.
who am i, insignificant, ignorant,
to rebel against a system whose brokenness
is so manically coveted?